A Weenie Life

All things Halloween-ie.

The Screaming is Always the Funniest Part

Amiright?

Halloween Makeup Comes of Age: Wicked Cool Art

Makeup? Did somebody say makeup?

Oh…because I thought they said “art.”

And that’s exactly what I’ve been seeing these past two to three years when it comes to dolling oneself up for Halloween.  Real live (well, real undead), bonafide art. Love, love, love this trend.

Wish I had an "origins" credit for this one, but the look speaks for itself. So full of awesome.

Wish I had an “origins” credit (and the artist’s name) for this one, but the look speaks for itself. So full of awesome.

It's screamin' with cool.

It’s screamin’ with cool.

makeup3

How fun is this? Comic book retro.

makeup4

Dia de los Muertos: beautiful.

Remember when I made a li'l wee-wee? Well, I just made some again.

Remember when I made a li’l wee-wee? Well, I just made some again.

NOTE TO ARTISTS/MODELS: I had linked each and every one of these images…and now the links are gone. Retrieved them all over the course of a couple of hours, WordPress refused to save them. Fucking WordPress. If this is your image, please contact me. I would love to give you credit.

And On Today’s Edition of Divorce Court…

I like to call this little vignette “If the Marx Brothers Had Ever Tied the Knot” (or simply: You Are Never Sleeping With Me Again).  p.s. You WISH this were your marriage.

Halloween and its Origins In Basketball

“It is believed that the Celtics were the originators of Halloween.”

Who knew? Go Celtics!

The originators of Halloween, in their winning 2008 season.

The originators of Halloween, in their winning 2008 season.

Jack Chick Tracts: Kids, Don’t Let This Happen To You

Poor Timmy. If ONLY he had never...read this Jack Chick tract.

Poor Timmy. If ONLY he had never…read this Jack Chick tract.

I’m totally giving these out this Halloween. Because it’s been such a long time since I’ve had my house egged, my car keyed, had my children made permanent pariahs and ensured that they never, ever get laid until they leave town and change their names.

Kids! Save yourselves! Burn a bunch of these.

What. No Slutty Forensic Entomologists?

Yep, this is for sure what I've always wanted to be. Undressed.

Yep, this is for sure what I’ve always wanted to be. Undressed.

Ever notice how every woman’s Halloween costume is a slutty something? Slutty nurse, slutty librarian, slutty cheerleader, slutty zombie, slutty Margaret Thatcher.

(Okay, so I haven’t actually seen a slutty Margartet Thatcher…yet. I’m sure it’s out there.)

When it comes to Halloween, guys get to have all the fun. They can be ax murderers without showing a single shred of skin. They can be corporate stiffs, private detectives, boxes of crayons (yes, with real pants underneath the box), whatever the hell they want.

But with women, if you don’t let loose a good strong line of cleavage (in either crack…or preferably, both),  it just isn’t a costume.

Well, take a gander at this. Because it’s called “Take Back Halloween,” I assumed this site would be either a call to the retro or a lot of Wiccans pleading with big eyes. (Not that there’s anything wrong with Wiccans. Don’t you get all up in my stuff, now.)

What the...? I'll bet these chicks never did a beer bong in their lives.

What the…? I’ll bet these chicks never did a beer bong in their lives.

Nope. It’s “a costume guide for women with imagination.” Imagination? What’s that? And does it have anything to do with nipples and Hennessy?

If you have a double-X genotype and love Halloween, you have got to check out this site. Cool costumes — some with a sexiness for sure, but absolutely no slutty forensic entomologists.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to that slutty chicken sexer costume I’ve been working on.

Love,

Weenie

How Different Age Groups Celebrate Halloween

Tee hee.

This list could have been a little slicker, but it still gave me a giggle. Click the linkie and enjoy, weenies!

Yup.

Yup.

LOL! Bad Son. Bad.

That’s it, kid. You’re out of the will. (Thanks to ScaryDad for the image.)

NinjaSon

“She threw her Nook at me…” LOL, oh dear God. That boy would never see the light of day again in our house. I put you into this world, boy, I can take you out…

Hyperflesh Masks: I…I Just Made a Pee-Pee in My Pants.

RonJeremyRealfleshMask

Actually, he probably doesn’t look this good in real life. Image: incrediblethings.com

horrifying

I really did. ‘Scuze me. (adjusting underwear) (/adjusting off) Okay, I’m back.

No wait. I just did it again.

Why? Because of these. Dear gawd. There’s creepy, and then there’s creepier. And then there’s…Hyperflesh masks.

Of course, I can’t help but admire the realism. These masks are amazing. Uh-MAY-zing.

Does it come with a bail bond? Image: incrediblethings.com

Does it come with a bail bond? Image: incrediblethings.com

Granted they’re expensive — the ugly baby is $350 — but I have to think any true haunter worth his or her salt would put out the coin for this once-in-a-lifetime chance to send party guests, co-workers and innocent children directly into therapy.

I won’t be going for The Big Buy myself. I’m already overbudget for Halloween — oh hell, who am I kidding? I went overbudget somewhere around mid-March.

But do check these out. You may never sleep again, but it’s definitely worth the peek.

How the Hallows Are Ya?

SoCal natives struggling through winter 2013. Image: rwongphoto.com

SoCal natives struggling through Winter 2013. Image: rwongphoto.com

Well folks, with the white and fluffy holidays done and gone, it’s back to obsessing on Halloween. Yay! So I thought I’d check in with y’all.

Hallow the hell are all my peeps? Hope you had a weenie of a good time this year with The Other Holiday and all that. In my neck of the woods, spring has already sprung, but then again, we never do get a proper winter. We get summer, fall and…summer.

It doesn’t suck, except that mild temps year-round mean a later turning of tree leaves (only a few trees have changed color by Halloween) and precious little crispness in the air until at least Christmas.

I haven’t posted in quite some time. I was a bit bummed post-holidays. My husband claims it was Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I said, “But we haven’t had any seasons yet since we moved here eight years ago.” Maybe it was just, I don’t know, AD. Or Los Angeles Mid-year Ennui (LAME). I created a new disorder, anybody on board?

Other than that brief drop into darkness of the un-fun kind (usually darkness is full of awesome), I can’t complain. I’m undead, well, and ready to start thinking about 2013’s haunt! I may go nostalgia this year. We shall see, my weenies. Talk to you all soon, and stay ween-y!

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