Makeup? Did somebody say makeup?
Oh…because I thought they said “art.”
And that’s exactly what I’ve been seeing these past two to three years when it comes to dolling oneself up for Halloween. Real live (well, real undead), bonafide art. Love, love, love this trend.
NOTE TO ARTISTS/MODELS: I had linked each and every one of these images…and now the links are gone. Retrieved them all over the course of a couple of hours, WordPress refused to save them. Fucking WordPress. If this is your image, please contact me. I would love to give you credit.
I’m totally giving these out this Halloween. Because it’s been such a long time since I’ve had my house egged, my car keyed, had my children made permanent pariahs and ensured that they never, ever get laid until they leave town and change their names.
Kids! Save yourselves! Burn a bunch of these.
Ever notice how every woman’s Halloween costume is a slutty something? Slutty nurse, slutty librarian, slutty cheerleader, slutty zombie, slutty Margaret Thatcher.
(Okay, so I haven’t actually seen a slutty Margartet Thatcher…yet. I’m sure it’s out there.)
When it comes to Halloween, guys get to have all the fun. They can be ax murderers without showing a single shred of skin. They can be corporate stiffs, private detectives, boxes of crayons (yes, with real pants underneath the box), whatever the hell they want.
But with women, if you don’t let loose a good strong line of cleavage (in either crack…or preferably, both), it just isn’t a costume.
Well, take a gander at this. Because it’s called “Take Back Halloween,” I assumed this site would be either a call to the retro or a lot of Wiccans pleading with big eyes. (Not that there’s anything wrong with Wiccans. Don’t you get all up in my stuff, now.)
Nope. It’s “a costume guide for women with imagination.” Imagination? What’s that? And does it have anything to do with nipples and Hennessy?
If you have a double-X genotype and love Halloween, you have got to check out this site. Cool costumes — some with a sexiness for sure, but absolutely no slutty forensic entomologists.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to that slutty chicken sexer costume I’ve been working on.
I really did. ‘Scuze me. (adjusting underwear) (/adjusting off) Okay, I’m back.
No wait. I just did it again.
Why? Because of these. Dear gawd. There’s creepy, and then there’s creepier. And then there’s…Hyperflesh masks.
Of course, I can’t help but admire the realism. These masks are amazing. Uh-MAY-zing.
Granted they’re expensive — the ugly baby is $350 — but I have to think any true haunter worth his or her salt would put out the coin for this once-in-a-lifetime chance to send party guests, co-workers and innocent children directly into therapy.
I won’t be going for The Big Buy myself. I’m already overbudget for Halloween — oh hell, who am I kidding? I went overbudget somewhere around mid-March.
But do check these out. You may never sleep again, but it’s definitely worth the peek.
Well folks, with the white and fluffy holidays done and gone, it’s back to obsessing on Halloween. Yay! So I thought I’d check in with y’all.
Hallow the hell are all my peeps? Hope you had a weenie of a good time this year with The Other Holiday and all that. In my neck of the woods, spring has already sprung, but then again, we never do get a proper winter. We get summer, fall and…summer.
It doesn’t suck, except that mild temps year-round mean a later turning of tree leaves (only a few trees have changed color by Halloween) and precious little crispness in the air until at least Christmas.
I haven’t posted in quite some time. I was a bit bummed post-holidays. My husband claims it was Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I said, “But we haven’t had any seasons yet since we moved here eight years ago.” Maybe it was just, I don’t know, AD. Or Los Angeles Mid-year Ennui (LAME). I created a new disorder, anybody on board?
Other than that brief drop into darkness of the un-fun kind (usually darkness is full of awesome), I can’t complain. I’m undead, well, and ready to start thinking about 2013’s haunt! I may go nostalgia this year. We shall see, my weenies. Talk to you all soon, and stay ween-y!